The rest of the night was smooth and calming. I laid in my bed with only the light from my lava lamp alluminating the room. My body buried underneath the sheets. Beside me sat a blue composition book with a green pen beside it. Badly, I wanted to write out my emotions in it but I refused to grab and actually write. Either out of pure laziness or my thoughts were distracting me from doing so. Eventually, I grasped it and opened it to a blank page.
Dear Diary, or Journal, or whatever the hell you want to call this.
Hi. I'm letting you know... I can't stand this anymore. Stand what? Living life without Louis. I'm pregnant with his baby and he has no clue. I wish he knew but it's hard to tell him. Especially when he lives in England. Away from me. I can't stand this distance, it's eating me alive. Louis knows theres something wrong with me but I refuse to tell him. Telling him in person is better than through a computer.
On the down side, my mom has been ignoring me. She barely knows I exist, now. Telling her I'm pregnant would just ruin her completely. Then there's my friends. Jenn, Kati, and Shayla. Shayla is the only one who knows. I'm afraid to inform Kati and Jenn, especially with what happened last time, when I told them I was with my teacher. Telling them I'm pregnant with my teachers baby will not end well.
This is a pointless entry. It's not helping, anything. I'm just going to sleep.
Sincerely, a hopeless wreck.
I slammed closed my composition notebook, staring up at the ceiling. I exhaled deeply, buring myself in the sheets. Disappear. That's what I want to do, is just disappear. From home. From America. From the world. To disappear and never come back. I grasped the sheets balling them into fists. I can't take this. I can't take any of it. My body was beginning to grow tired. I turned my lava lamp off, before buring my face in the pillows. My mind drifted off and my eyes finally closed.
Louis stood in front of me, a few yards away. But he was with someone else. A different girl and their fingers were laced together. I chewed my bottom lip holding back tears. My eyes glanced down at my stomach noticing how big my baby bump was. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks and I lifted my eyes. Louis was staring at me, now. The girl wasn't even paying attention to me. Louis' was in complete shock.
"Nichole." He mumbled, loud enough for me to hear. I chewed my lower lip. Louis released the girls hand, making his way towards me and ignoring her protests.
"What are you doing here?" He asked me.
"I'm here to tell you that I'm pregnant with your baby." I whispered. Louis' eyes widened and lowered down to my stomach.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asked me. More tears rolled down my face.
"I wanted to tell you in person. Guess that was a big mistake." I said, gesturing towards Eleanor.
"No, Nichole-" I cut him off before he could finish.
"Don't worry about it, I'm better off alone." I lied, before turning around to head the other way. Louis caught my wrist, forcing me back around.
"No, Nichole. Don't leave. Please." He begged. I shook my head, looking away from him.
"It's okay, Louis." I lied, "You don't have to pretend like you still like me." Louis already had tears in his eyes, making my heart drop.
"I've got to go." I said, turning away from him. Tears were already rolling down my face.