My whole life I've been sheltered. I was brought up with strong religious and conservative values, my parents were strict, but not unkind. I was the oldest of my five siblings, My parents were not exactly well off; mom owned a small diner at the bottom of our family home and dad worked a desk job at some insurance company somewhere. Being the oldest, it was my responsibility to look after my brothers and sisters. I had two sisters and two brothers. I did my best i think, everything from packing their school lunches to setting a good example all through high school and now college. I never went to parties (This is part of me being a social reject), I didn't drink alcohol, i had never been in any kind of relationship with a guy. I know I'm 19 and don't have a boyfriend. by the way, this had nothing to do with my parents, they allow my seventeen year old sister have her boyfriend, of course there was the occasional "why cant you be like Emily. even at nineteen she doesn't care about boys" it was sad really.
I don't know what it was, was i scared to just go out there and do something, anything? I don't want to just lose it and become some hopeless drunk or some party maniac, that really isn't me, I just want to do something and that was what i told my roommate Selena tonight.
I was in college now , a pre-law undergraduate student and in my second year. I had a partial merit scholarship and I had financial aid covering up the rest of my tuition, this enabled my parent to afford to help me pay half my rent for the apartment I had in the city. Selena was my the only friend i made my freshman year, like i said i was terrible at socializing, so this year we had decided to find an apartment close to the school, so we could commute easier. She was studying to be an elementary school English teacher and she really was the sweetest person alive. As sweet and innocent as Selena looked though, she could also have a good time, she called her alter ego 'Serena' and when Serena showed her face, i knew i was in for a long night of nursing my roommate back to health the next morning.
Selena smirked at me from the couch on the other side of our living room. Our apartment wasn't that big. It had two bedrooms, mine was smaller, a small living room and no dinning room, we basically ate in the living room or our rooms. Our kitchen was a nice little set and we had a balcony, which i think is the best part of the house. Selena and I had put flowers out there and it was nice to sit out there, seven stories high and just watch everyone go about their day.
"So you want to party?" She asked me and i shook my head
"No. not party, i just wanna do something I've never done before" I told her
"You've never gone to a party before" She said
Did i really want to go to a party? i didn't really like Selena's, or rather 'Serena's' idea of a party, they involved: Sweat, loud music, invasion of personal space and too much touching......
"Come on Em, don't you see this. Your body's aching to let loose. You need to let loose, it's about time, girl, your nineteen for heaven's sake. when do you finally want to be a bit reckless, when you're forty?"
"No.." I told her feeling a bit self conscious
"So what's stopping you?" I looked at her and tried to find a reason. Weren't all those things wrong? smoking, drinking excessively, clubbing? I mean they couldn't be could they? Selena was a nice girl, she got mostly A's and she herself was religious too,she could quote the Bible even better than i could, so what was stopping me? Selena was right, i only had one life to live and i could not do these things when i was forty, now was the time. Besides how would i find a boyfriend, if i stayed indoors watching movies every weekend.
Yes, that speech was pre-meditated. They were the thoughts that ran through my head often and i think for once i might just take Lena's offer. why not?
"Nothing. Myself i guess" I told her
"Yourself needs to let you go because, i think it's time the world got to know Emily Vander "
I rolled my eyes "Emily Vander has nothing to offer the world" I told her. I meant it too. I know i shouldn't have said it because Selena would start telling me how pretty i was and how i did not appreciated myself and if i only took time to pick out the right outfits, and if i put on a bit of make up and maybe smiled a bit more...I never payed her any attention. It was a fact, i wasn't that pretty. okay, i won't call myself ugly, no one is ugly, i just wasn't a looker. There was nothing special about my long curly hair, or my dark dull brown eyes. I wasn't lean and tall, i was quite a shorty and I had a terrible way of communicating with strangers. Yes, it might help if i did the things that Selena suggested, but what's the point in flaunting physical appearance when there was really nothing to offer on the inside. I was a boring person and I knew it.
"Your not even listening" Selena said and i shrugged. She shook her head and didn't let me ruin her mood
"Whatever. Friday night we are going to a club called Mitch. It's new and i heard really important people go there, if we'er lucky we might just find you a hot,rich stud"
My mouth dropped. A club?
"But, why a club? Can't we start off with something simple, like Joey's bar across the street. I don't think i can handle a club yet" I was already having a panic attack and i was sitting in my pajamas in my living room. how pathetic
"You'll be fine. Tomorrow would be awesome. We'll skip philosophy and head to the store, we need to get you a dress and no you have no say in the one i pick. But have no fear my little monkey, i'll make you look hot. You'll kill the guys at Mitch tomorrow."
At two a.m that morning after having a nightmare that the bouncer wouldn't let me in because I was too short, I went to Selena's room to tell her I had changed my mind and I wasn't going. She kicked me out of her room after I told her why and she told me nothing was going to stop me from going to Mitch, even if I took the next plane out to England, she swore she would come after me.
In my English class that morning, I could not concentrate. I was scared I'll break a heel, so I made a note to wear flats. By the time Spanish 202 came around, I was thinking of the drink I'll order. do they have regular soda? I made a mental note to put a bottle of water in my purse.
by the third class at noon, I started thinking "What if i did meet a nice guy" I kept that thought on my mind and as I walked to the schools coffee shop to meet Selena to go on our shopping trip I was actually a bit excited.