Today was a rough day, I had to say good bye to my brother. I shouldn't be mad, but I am. I almost couldn't even come to say good bye. I support him, and I know I'll eventually get over this and go along with it because after all, that's his dream. I'm still too young to comprehend the sacrifices we sometimes make to accomplish our most desired dreams. I could barely look at him, I noticed the hint of sadness. It registered guilt and sympathy. I remember it vividly—of course, it just happened a few hours ago—he entrapped me in his arms, I breathed in his smell, I hugged him hard. I didn't want to let go, because I didn't want to let him go. I remembered the way he smelled, I told myself to remember it so I could hold onto it. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I couldn't do it. I said nothing to him. He lowered himself and whispered in my ear, "Skylar, my little Skylar. You need to be strong okay? You know I love you, right? Don't think I don't just because I'm going away. I know I always shooed you away when you were younger and you were scared to sleep alone, but tonight you can sleep in my room," I felt his voice tickling my ear with his every word. "I have to go now. Behave, and take really good care of yourself. I'll see you again really soon." Those were his last words. His last words to me. I really hope I do see him again soon. He's my favorite person in the world. He was the one who taught me how to count, or tie my shoes, he fought with me at times, he would wrestle me and always let me win at the end just because it made me happy. He was my only brother, the only guy reference I had. The one who helped me in my bullying situation when I was in 5th grade. I'm just mad because I want him to be here, with me. And being far away is not something I want. When dad and I got home, I went straight to Cole's room. He wasn't there, but I felt his strong presence in the room. I looked around, really looked. His walls, his bed, his stuff, everything. It took me just a few more seconds to actually break down in tears. I missed him so much. Already. Its been a few hours and I already miss him. His bed was undone and I wanted everything to stay that way. I went to my room and saw his shirt on my bed. He wore that the whole entire morning, he took it off before he left and threw it, it landed on my bed. I grabbed it, and it smelled just like him. I took mine off and put his on. When dad came to my room to call me for dinner he saw me in his shirt. "I bet he misses you, too." He said. I shrugged. "He does, I bet you, you will be the first person he calls when he arrives." That made me smile. "I hope so." I whispered. "Dad, I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep." I said. "Okay, but if he calls, and you miss it, that's your fault."
So that night I stayed up and waited for his call. I waited all night. I had my phone in my hand all night, and he didn't call. I paced back and forth between the entrance of his room and mine, since they were opposite sides from each other. I ended up sitting down by his door, eventually I fell asleep. My dad's voice woke me up, "yea, I don't think she's mad... don't worry, it's fine... she's sleeping outside your bedroom..." I got up and went over to Dad. "Is that, Cole?" I ask. "Yea. Cole, she's awake... Um do you want to talk?" he asks me. I was mad, but I couldn't say no to Cole. I stretched out my arm and took my dad's phone. "Skylar? Hi." He says, his tone is sad and apologetic. "Hi." I say. We end up talking for ten full minutes. He apologized, the luggage was late, and his phone was dead. I can't stay mad at him. It was nice to hear his voice again. My dad asked if I wanted to clean Cole's room but I told him I wanted it to stay that way. After a while I took Cole's shirt everywhere, in my hand bad of course. When I had to go back to school, I took it in my book bag. No one knew, they'd think I'm weird for that. I had a couple of friends, not close, not a lot but they were good at keeping me distracted from missing Cole.
My dad was good too, he took me everywhere. He missed mom. I missed her too but, I missed Cole a whole lot more. Soon this became a year and it didn't become easy dealing without Cole, or my Mom. I missed them more every day and there were still nights when I cried over them. It was becoming more often that I cried for them. That little girl Cole left behind was growing up everyday, and I noticed he was growing too, he didn't have that little boy face anymore, or the little skinny arms. He was becoming a man, and I was missing out on witnessing that. I was once online on a chat room my friend begged me to join so I went and I couldn't find her. Instead I found a guy, he talked to me for a little bit there, and he seemed sweet. He was 16 and I was only 14 it seemed wrong, but he was really nice.
We kept talking there for a few weeks, and then he asked me for my number. I was scared, but it took me a few days to agree. We texted almost everyday, he said he had work and will try to text me as much as he could, he would not text me for weeks or just hi and all that. But other times we'd talk all night or until one of us would fall asleep. We texted for months like friends, and one day he asked if he could call me, so I said yes. We talked on the phone for hours, I was just about to go to sleep when he asked me out. I was unsure of it because he didn't live in Texas, and we'd never be able to see or be with each other but, I said yes, he was nice, sweet, and caring.
I was dying to tell Cole, but I knew he wouldn't like it, especially him being older and all. And I was dying to tell him about my brother, but I figured he'd think I was snobby or I felt better than everyone because he was famous. So I kept it to myself. We never sent each other pictures, or video chatted, but we did text and called each other. The mystery was killing me. And everyday I wanted to be with him. Actually meet him. But I felt bad not telling Cole, and I missed Cole terribly.
After two years of not seeing Cole, I almost didn't remember what it was like being with him, or being with my mom, or having any family dinners. I missed everything about him. His voice changed, he looked taller he was looking more like a man than a child. I hate the fact that I wasn't able to see his becoming of a man. He said we'd be seeing each other soon. Dad and I were going over to visit him and mom soon. As soon as I got out of school. Summer was just around the corner.
Cole's shirt stopped smelling like him. It smelled more like a girl now, like the little perfume I kept in my bag. No wonder. I now understood his sacrifice, I wasn't mad at him for leaving me, I supported him. Now and then I'd watch his Ustreams, read his tweets, look at his pictures and I wanted so bad to run up to him and hug him and feel safe.
Cole would call me often, well as often as he could. He'd send me ugly selfies and I'd do the same. I missed my brother a lot. Every day meant one day closer to see him again. I was talking to my long distance boyfriend and I told him I'd be going to visit my brother over there and he said that if there was a small chance, we should meet. I'm actually a little scared. I don't know his name, and he doesn't know mine, we only know each other as our screen name and we don't know how we look like. I'm actually kinda scared he might me a pedophile. So as soon as I can talk face to face to Cole, I'm telling him. And if I have to meet him, Cole is to be by my side.
I'm one step closer to see Cole, and my mom. Have the family together after 2 years. My family will soon unite.
Okay so, its my first IM5 story and I don't know what picture so use for Skylar, she's got brown hair and brown eyes, I could easily use one of my own because its pretty much describing me but some people don't like that, but I don't like using other people's pictures. Should I just use my own. ugh. okay. done. bye. thanks for reading.
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