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My Monologue
Story published September 29, 2013 · completed · 2 pages · 626 readers · 738 reads
My Monologue
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My Monologue

 I had to write a monologue for English, it had to be about a mental illness, and I chose OCD and depression. It is a depressing short story, but I put it up mainly because I want your feedback and also you have somewhat an understanding of what people with this have to deal with. But anyway, I'll leave you to read.

[Is sitting on a chair while twitching, now and again, slightly]
He said he would be here at 8, its 8:15…Oh that should be him.
[Gets up and opens the door, pause, closes door, moves to the centre]
Dr. Pourlee, you’re late…Yes, I know you’re a busy man. You have my medication? Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Pourlee for coming to bri-
Oh, that’s not all…Well, what is it? ...Dr. Pourlee I’m frightened, you’re scaring me.
Tell me!
[Shocked with disbelief]
…What? …No, you’re lying, it’s not true, and it can’t be.
[Close to tears]
Thank you, Dr. Pourlee, I think you should be leaving now. Like you said you are a busy man.
[Points at the door, stays still and then collapses on the floor, crying]
…Why, why me? …I can’t, I just can’t.
[Starts to stop crying, sniffling occasionally]
…See you’re worthless…No I’m not…Says the girl who has OCD and has now gained depression. Whatever next? …I didn’t ask for this! …It doesn’t matter, you can’t change it, you’re weak…I know…Good, you’ll probably end up alone, who am I kidding? You will end up alone, I mean looks at you, you’re worthless…I guess…No, you know what I’m saying is true, you just can’t handle it…Get out of my head! …I’m only trying to help you, you won’t be able to survive without me, I am telling you what you think about yourself. You are denying it, don’t deny it…B-But I want to be happy…You can’t…Why? ...Because you’re depressed dear…I am? …Yes, why are you always sad? Always low confidence, and low self esteem? You cry all the time. You never do anything with your life. Nothing! Tell me one good memory you have, eh? …I don-…Pardon? …I don’t kn-…Excuse me? …I don’t know…I thought as much, well I have a memory for you, want me to tell you? …No. Please…Too bad. Let’s go back to the past. Let’s see, oh! When you were a baby, your parents abandoned you, didn’t thy? Poor little girl crying on a step in front of an orphanage, remember?
[Starts to cry]
But the orphanage wasn’t much help was it? Sure they took you in; but no one cared for you. What did they say to you? …Stop! …Oh yes, I know, they should have left you by yourself; to fend for yourself. That was when you were 16, wasn’t it? A day after you found out that you have OCD. The day that they threw you out, yes? I do love that memory. Such drama; such heartbreak. That left you with nothing, no one cared for you did they? Oh, but not until you tried to commit suicide, a man saw you though, he saved you, and you were dragged to the hospital to get you all sorted and then where did you go? …The me-…Pardon? …The mental h-…Excuse me? …The mental hospital…The mental hospital, that’s right, because they said you have a serious case of OCD and depression but you didn’t believe them, until now. But look, you’re still here! What a surprise… They’re helping me…Are they? Really? …Yes, I think…You think, that’s not good enough, you’re so clueless, you know nothing. They hate you because you have a mental illness, they say you’re weird, crazy even, trust me on this; they don’t care. At all…They don’t? ...No. I mean look around,  they’ve locked you up in a room, it’s dull, the walls are all white so is the carpet, you have a bed, a wardrobe, which they constantly check in case you have anything to hurt yourself with, they won’t even let you have laces so you don’t strangle yourself, you’re blind; they’ve taken away your freedom…They have haven’t they…Good your catching on, well that’s progress…I guess…At least you have a balcony, some people don’t even have that, you should be thankful, because I have an idea…You do? …Yes, now get up.
[Slowly gets up and stands still]
Move to the balcony.
[Opens door, and steps on the balcony]
What? …You heard me…
[Steps up on the barrier]
Is it safe? …No.